“Working to help parents raise money-smart kids.”
Hello, friends!
I’m enjoying Kevin Kelly’s wonderful little purple book, Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier.
So for this week’s “3 Ideas to Share & Save,” I’ll reflect on nuggets of Kelly’s knowledge and how they might relate to our own journeys.
I hope you enjoy this installment!
— 1 —
Beware the Tyranny of the Urgent:
“Don’t let someone else’s urgency become your emergency. In fact, don’t be governed by the urgent of any sort.
Focus on the important.
The urgent is a tyrant.
The important should be your king.
Down with the tyranny of the urgent!”
-Kevin Kelly
You’ll certainly face this bully we call “urgency” within your own money-smart program. When you start an allowance, it will likely rear its ugly head in the form of a tantrum. So just turn the tables. Amidst your child’s gasps and sobs, make your move: “You’d like that toy? Great! Did you bring your money?” The waterworks may continue. But hold firm! As Kelly suggests, you mustn’t let this tyrannical bully have her way.
Case in point: My wife and I were enjoying a delicious slice of pizza yesterday. Suddenly, there was a pop! Then an ominous pause. The four-year-old behind us soon wailed, “Waaahhh! I need another balloooon! Mine own!”
The astute parents acted quickly. Just as the waterworks began, they hopped up and started walking, distracting their distraught child. Within seconds, he’d forgotten about the busted balloon that only moments ago he couldn’t live without. Well played! 👏
So when we’re faced with the tyrant, the bully, we can cow to her and buy her that toy. Or we can tell her that she can bring her own money next time. Or that we’ll help her set a goal when we return home.
Ultimately, he might forget about that “treasure” entirely. Or he might be on his way to achieving a goal. Either scenario beats giving in, for we all know that the best way to tame a bully is to stand up to him.
— 2 —
Behaviors Matter:
“Your behavior, not your opinions, will change the world.”
-Kevin Kelly
As I wrote in this essay, our kids will learn about money (well, anything really) in three ways:
- Direct instruction (lectures from teachers or us)
- Experience (real-world, hands-on encounters)
- Modeling (what they see us do or not do)
Unfortunately, I can’t predict which behaviors that I’ve modeled for my kids will most influence them as they learn to adult (which, admittedly, is happening more rapidly than I imagined). However, I’m hopeful they adopt some version of my resistance to the tyranny of stuff, which I discussed with you in Idea #2 last week.
I can dream, right? 😉
Just recently, as we were talking about how few clothes I own, my daughter turned and remarked that there’s no way she could live in such austerity: “You’re a guy. You just don’t understand.”
And though I know plenty of guys with substantial closets, she’s right in that she doesn’t have to match mine. Rather, she has to find her way and discover what wardrobe will ultimately work for her.
In fact, we all have to come to our own terms with how much stuff we own.
Still, I’m proud to have taught my kids to travel light and make donations to reduce stuff. And your children have to find their own way, of course. So it’s likely that your behaviors (and not your opinions of their behaviors) will be more helpful on their journeys.
— 3 —
Becoming “Unwonderful”:
“Most wonderful things quickly become unwonderful if they are repeated too often. Once-in-a-life is often the optimal interval.”
-Kevin Kelly
I’ve discovered that one pancake or half a donut is usually plenty. I’ve also discovered that if I order a stack of pancakes, I rarely eat just one. And what am I going to do with that other donut half but toss it down my gullet? 🍩
Heck, even the dreamy concept of lifetime access to Disney World would wear thin after a few visits!
Of course, the only way to learn to habituate to pretty much anything is for stuff to go through the process of becoming “unwonderful.”
“The greatest teacher is called ‘doing.'”
-Kevin Kelly
Which is why we stress some control over our kids’ money from an early age. They need to discover for themselves that “wonderful” can become mundane fairly quickly.
Ultimately, we want our children to learn that they might need to be wary of replicating a wonderful experience exactly or that a steady stream of stuff is unlikely to provide the pleasure they think it will.
Thanks to Kevin Kelly for inspiring this post. If you enjoyed any or all of these ideas, then I’d appreciate your sharing this newsletter with just one friend who might be grateful for a little help with his or her money-smart program.
And in the meantime, enjoy your own journey!
John, Chief Mammal
P.S. Please consult with a financial or investment professional before engaging in any decisions that might affect your own financial well-being.
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