“Working to help parents raise money-smart kids.”
Hello, friends.
I’m excited to bring you some lovely learnings from my latest podcast conversation. Veronica Dangerfield is a friend and collaborator in the money-smart movement. She has close to two decades of experience making money-smarts engaging for people of all ages, so I know you’ll enjoy listening and learning from all she has to say.
— 1 —
Overcoming fear: The emotional aspect of money is the connective tissue of our conversation, and Veronica and I waste no time diving into how she helps others overcome money fears.
FDR famously said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyses needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” He didn’t say this after the outbreak of World War II, but rather during his inaugural speech in the midst of The Great Depression. The nation was gripped with fear because jobs and money were scarce.
Just as FDR advocated for ways to get Americans back on solid financial footing, Veronica advocates that her students address financial fears head on. It’s the only way to “convert retreat into advance.” Channeling FDR, we can act as a kind of Cheerleader-in-Chief to help with their process of emerging from the financial depths.
I wish I’d had my own personal “Veronica” when it came time to talk to my kids about investing. I worried that my problematic past and money lost on speculative investments might make me incapable of providing positive financial direction, or worse, expose me as a total hypocrite.
I had to learn on my own that I could use these lemons to make lemonade. 🍋 Owning up to silly, stupid mistakes humanized my advice. And, of course, explaining how I’d used those lessons to improve my financial habits gave my kids some necessary perspective. Rather than some type of ideal “Super Dad,” I was just an advisor trying to help.
We can use fear as a tool. Fear directs us to actions we need to take or conversations we need to have. An effective antidote to fear is conversation. There’s a reason why FDR held his famous fireside chats.🔥
— 2 —
Do Your Job: New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick’s well known mantra to his players is “Do Your Job!” He believes that every player simply needs to do his part and the outcome will take care of itself. Six Super Bowl victories (including a personally painful one over my Seahawks 😱) underscore the value of his mantra.
When I asked Veronica [20:39] about the challenges she faced in raising her own kids to be money-smart, she mentioned that she could be overbearing at the dinner table. She would often bring her work home, sharing scary money stories she’d seen in the field and urge her kids to avoid similar financial fizzles. Veronica said her kids would roll their eyes and “…they were like, oh, again, not another.” 😂
Veronica, though, was just following Coach Belichick’s advice. She was just doing her job; the job of a parent and money advisor. This is something I also discussed with PodFriend Tom Henske. Our job is to deliver core messages for our kids to follow. We have to do this repeatedly, to the point that they will roll their eyes. And when our kids start repeating these maxims, even while playfully mocking us, we know we’re headed in the right direction.
While we certainly can’t guarantee any particular outcome, if we focus on the process and do our jobs, we give ourselves a better opportunity to steer our children in a positive direction when it comes to money-smarts.
— 3 —
Fitting in: I asked Veronica what she felt was the one thing most parents don’t know about kids and money that they should. Her response:
“Parents don’t understand the emotional impact of money, and how, especially teenagers [are impacted by] the fear of missing out. Wearing the most expensive tennis shoes. Having the best jacket. [Parents don’t understand] how significant that is and how [discussing these things can be] a good teaching lesson for them. It’s a hard one because when you’re a teenager, your whole life is about fitting in.”
It’s very easy for us to judge our kids. We’ve been raising them frugally and suddenly they tell us they want a $200 pair of sneakers. We feel like we’ve failed. Our system is broken. We throw up our hands.
But this is really just a part of the process. Teenagers are in a nearly constant state of developing their own identities and separating themselves from us. Material things are simply one more manifestation of this process. And no wonder, ads are constantly barking at them that this particular shoe makes them a rebel, or a certain choice of jeans indicates that they are an independent thinker.
This is where modeling matters, a topic that Veronica and I discuss [23:55]. We can provide them with a counterpoint to what they are seeing and experiencing with their friends at school or seeing on screens. Mixed messages — particularly those that money can “buy” you an identity, inclusion in a group or happiness — are everywhere, and our teens are particularly susceptible to those messages.
Most media portrayals of wealthy people focus on consumption. The truth about the wealthy, though, was uncovered decades ago in the book,The Millionaire Next Door. Most wealthy people accumulate money through frugality. They’re not driving luxury cars or wearing fancy clothes. If you haven’t read this thoroughly researched book, it’s hard to believe because its message is the complete opposite of what we see daily on media platforms. It’s also one reason why one of our five Good Money Habits videos focuses on the importance of living beneath your means.
Let’s “do our job,” and model a healthy, money-as-a-tool alternative to the consumption-first ethos we and our kids see portrayed on TV, YouTube, TikTok or wherever else we might get our misperceptions.
And remember, it’s about the process. The outcome will take care of itself. So let’s enjoy the journey!
John, Chief Mammal
P.S. Please consult with a financial or investment professional before engaging in any decisions that might affect your own financial well-being.
Like what you just read? You can sign up for the newsletter here.